The Drug In Me Is You
by DraculasDiary
Summary: The way he acts, the way he stands, the way talks, sings, breathes, and looks at me...the way he winds my heart until the string breaks. I didn't feel like falling in love with an indecisive jerk, my stupid everything else did. To finalize the case, Ronnie Radke is the epitome of ambiguity.
1. Chapter 1

Our tour manager called Ryan on his phone and told everyone that he was coming over to the bus in a bit. Actually, he called at 8:30 in the morning while we were all sleeping. So Ryan's phone woke us all up and we threw our pillows at Ryan, causing him to fall out of his bunk. We laughed as he cursed us out and answered his phone.

"Sup" he said indifferently. We heard a distant voice on the other line. Ryan said "Yeah okay" and then hung up.

"Who was it?" Ronnie asked. Ryan stood up and threw his cell on his bunk.

"Our tour manager, he says he's on his way over with some news. He said to get dressed and stuff, I call dibs on the bathroom!" Ryan yelled and leaped for the door just down the small hall. Some of us laughed and went to lounge around the kitchen for breakfast while Ryan took a shower. Ronnie grabbed the TV remote and turned it on to some cartoons. Derek and Ron were searching through the cabinets and fridge for food that can be cooked or fried, they're like the chefs of the band or something.

I grabbed my pack of cigarettes with its lighter and walked outside in just my boxers that stopped right above my knees. It was a bit hot outside but not too humid. There was a slight breeze, it felt nice, but it wouldn't let me light my fucking cigarette -.-

So I covered the lighter and cigarette in my mouth and lit the cigarette. I sucked in until I could feel the smoke burning at my throat and breathed out through my nose. Smoke came out of my nostrils and my mouth when I parted my lips. I could feel myself relaxing and leaned against the bus with my eyes closed as I took another taste of nicotine.

I heard the door of the bus open and close. So I cracked one eye open and saw Ronnie lean back against the bus right next to me. I took another puff and blew it out in Ronnie's face. He coughed and shoved me playfully by the shoulder. I chuckled and looked the other way.

"Morning," Ronnie said. I glanced over at him and said the same. "It's nice out here...wanna go walk over hot coals later?" he asked randomly. I chuckled and shook my head.

"What's wrong with you, Ronnie?" I laughed. He wiggled his eyebrows at nothing and shrugged. Ronnie glanced down at himself in a black tank top which defined what he had underneath a bit. Ronnie touched his left bicep and rubbed it.

"I have more muscles than you, Jacky," he said confidently. I chuckled and took another puff of smoke, half way done with the cigarette. Suddenly, Ronnie took my cigarette and took a lot of turns on the nicotine. I rolled my eyes as he finished it and tossed it to the ground and stomped on the lit cigarette. I stood up straight and bumped Ronnie roughly with my hip on his hip causing him to fall over. I laughed at him and walked around Ronnie to walk into the bus.

"I've got all the muscles I need, down there," I said with my back turned on him as I closed the door behind me. Ron and Derek were all done with breakfast. I could tell they made eggs, toast, and bacon immediately when I walked in. I practically floated over to the table and sat down in front of a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon, the toast was in a bunch on a bigger plate in the center of the table. Soon, Ryan came out of the shower and Ron made a run for the bathroom without even taking any clothes. Ryan sat down across the table from me and started stuffing his face with food. His full cheeks made him look like a puffy squirrel!

I chuckled at him and Derek sat down as Ronnie finally walked inside. He smacked the back of my head softly and sat down in the chair next to me and began eating. Everyone was practically eating aggressively. I didn't really want to eat anything. Lately, I've been having problems with eating and loss of appetite. I don't know why or how this happened. Wait. It must have been after that time a few weeks ago when I became depressed with my image. I thought I wasn't all that fit like the other guys and that the fans would look at me differently. So I think that's when I subconsciously stopped eating as much.

Maybe it just seemed like everyone else was eating aggressively because I didn't have the appetite to enjoy even looking at this food. I shrugged to myself and tried to eat something today. I picked at the scrambled eggs with my fork, but I couldn't even attempt to put some in my mouth. The food just grossed me out somehow. I bit my lip nervously as I looked around at everyone else. No one has noticed yet, I took a silent deep breath and lifted a fork of scrambled eggs into my mouth hesitantly. As I chewed and swallowed, I nearly scowled at how awful my taste buds were reacting to this. But I forced myself to eat every single thing on the plate. The others finished way before me, I was eating at a turtle's pace.

When I finished, I pushed my plate aside and just sat there alone. I felt a rumbling noise course through my stomach, a sick nausea came over me. Just as Ron walked out of the bathroom, I ran inside and threw myself over the toilet to regurgitate what was in my stomach. It felt like my soul was being pried right out of me and into this toilet.

Ryan, Derek, and Ronnie all rushed into the bathroom and just stared at me as I paused to look at them. Then more shit threatened to climb up my throat and I went back to violently gorging into the toilet. Ronnie stepped behind me and held back my hair from my face.

A few minutes later, Ron walked inside dressed as I finished throwing up. I closed the lid and flushed the toilet as I stood up. Then I walked over to the sink and turned the faucet on with cold water. I glanced back at the guys motioning with my eyes to get the hell out. They all left except for Ronnie. I washed my face and brushed my teeth, checking twice. As I dried my face, Ronnie sat on the bathroom counter.

"What happened to you?" He asked seriously. I stared at the floor for a moment.

"I don't know...the food probably didn't go down properly," I mumbled. Ronnie narrowed his eyes at me dubiously and...with tenderness and sympathy. I ignored that look and rushed him out of the bathroom.

"Sorry, I'm gonna shower."

"But the old man's gonna be here soon," Ronnie said in a joking warning. I chuckle and look at him.

"The old _coot_ takes like two hours when he says he's "on his way.""


	2. Chapter 2

Nearly an hour later, everyone had eventually finished getting dressed and ready for the day - and to await our manager's arrival. When I came out of the shower, Ronnie and Derek got their separate turns using the shower afterwards. I got dressed in a pair of tight black jeans with giant rips on the knees, a red muscle t-shirt with a light leather jacket, and Doc Marten combat boots. Then a black bandanna wrapped around the crown of my head like I usually did.

Ronnie was the last one to shower and the old coot was bound to walk through that door in just a few minutes. He was ready just in time. While everyone else wore their usual every day look, Ronnie looked a bit different today. I hadn't noticed before his fresh black nail polish and very lovely boots that were slightly pointy at the ends. Tight black jeans hugged his legs nicely, complimenting the white AFI t-shirt and famous red leather jacket with zips and straps that hugged his body well. Not too loose and not too tight. Nothing was. His hair was down in its usual lazy straight and wavy locks that barely rested on his shoulders by a good two or three inches.

I eyed his entire appearance seemingly too long, and Ronnie happened to notice. As the guys sat down in the kitchen, Ronnie walked towards me by the couch. He didn't sit down.

"Like the view, Jacky?"

I glanced up at him and raised an eyebrow. Ronnie batted his eyelashes a bit, making me chuckle a bit and shake my head at him. He frowned slightly and playfully shoved me by the shoulder.

"You do look a bit spiffy today, Ronnie." My thick Northern British accent flashing out. Ronnie grinned and ruffled my hair, messing it up a bit. I groaned and fixed my hair as Ronnie walked away laughing. I rolled my eyes and cursed him out in my head. I swear I nearly heard him mumble something to himself. Suddenly, the door opened and our manager walked inside. A small dribble of sweat was trickling down his forehead. He set down some papers at the small coffee table by the door. He wiped off any sweat on his face with a small napkin from his front pocket. He pulled at the collar of his button up flannel and sat down on the other couch across from me. Ronnie called in the others, despite them hearing his loud entry and deciding to ignore it. They aren't too fond of him. He's quite dull actually. But he gets us good cash.

We all sat down on the huge other fucking couch I was sitting on, facing Josh - our manager. We all waited patiently for the fucker as he readjusted his little locks of hair falling over his forehead.

He looked up and cleared his throat.

"We're going to have a quick, yet exciting reunion." He smiled and took out a small slip. As if any of our little reunions are exciting. I wonder what the old coot has for us today. Maybe another tour or something.

"The Vans Warped tour has invited you all to join them this year, _and_ they want you guys to play main stage!" He said with slight excitement in his voice. All of us sat forward and stared at him in shock.

"Warped Tour!?" yelled Ron.

"VANS Warped Tour?" Ryan questioned in awe.

"MAIN STAGE?" Ronnie ended. Ronnie's always wanted to take on main stage in Warped since he was a kid...and now we're on main stage. Dude, this fucking rocks!

We all burst into cheers and yelled as loud as we could until our ears burned out and our voices became adamant. I swear, we could almost cry. Well maybe just Ronnie. I laughed as everyone hugged each other and yelled excitedly, "We're going main stage!" and "We're going to Warped!"

Our manager left us the invitation on the table after we celebrated a little. He also mentioned that we were going to do a few shows in a state or two before we start Warped. So we have to start packing up by tonight. We're leaving early in the morning tomorrow.

We started packing in advance a few hours after the sunset. We are extremely ecstatic to hear about main stage, it's been a big dream for the band. And it's finally happening and whatnot with our band rising up over the rest. After Ronnie made his big comeback with FIR, we've become one of the best musically talented bands in the USA...and quick. So maybe, a few of us were expecting something like this to happen. Possibly. But it's in our hands, right here and now. We're performing on main stage. At Warped. Incredible.

I zipped up my last bag and threw it on my bunk. Suddenly, a hand clasped around my wrist and it's partner muffled my mouth. Then, they took me outside and released me. I coughed up whatever breath I kept built inside. Ronnie stepped around me; his famous red leather, wrapped around his limbs, contrasted brightly against his tan skin nearly made me take a nervous breath.

"What in the hell are you doing, Ronnie?" My accent drawl flourishing out in my own words. Ronnie nudged me along the shoulder and we started walking.

"Lets go somewhere." Ronnie said. I narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously.

"Ronnie...we're not going to a bar, are we? I thought you were staying sober?" I said dubiously. Ronnie shook his head at me and smiled.

"I am sober. I meant...I don't know, somewhere. It's really boring just sitting in that tour bus waiting for tomorrow to come. Where do you suggest going?" he asked me. Ronnie glanced at me with a raised eyebrow. I sighed and pursed my lips to the side in a thoughtful manner.

"What about a clean bar?" I suggested. Ronnie glanced the other way thoughtfully and nodded. "They might have a few drinks, nothing heavy. But I'm sure they wouldn't give you any drinks if I request it, even if you beg." I chuckled. Ronnie rolled his eyes and laughed adorably. I smiled listlessly as we took a short stroll to the closest, and cleanest bar we could find. We walked in and thankfully nobody recognized us. I ordered a medium heavy drink from the bartender. She smiled at me sweetly and made me the drink. Ronnie glanced at the drink in my hand and didn't look disturbed by it. That's a good sign.

I downed it and we walked over to the dance floor where everyone was dancing wildly and some drunkenly. I smiled and picked up another drink just sitting on an abandoned waitresses tray. Wow, that one was a heavy one. I blinked my eyes twice to walk steady. That one was really strong. I stopped a waitress and asked her what the drink on that tray was.

Her eyes widened at me and she said those were the heaviest drinks in the bar. I raised an eyebrow at Ronnie and laughed.

"I guess another to get me drunk won't hurt." Ronnie look at me hesitantly, then allowed me to reach for another one behind the waitresses' back while he distracted her. Hn, fucking flirt. She walked away and took the tray after I drank another drink and left the glass on the floor. Pfft, I don't sleep there!

I walked up to Ronnie slowly becoming buzzed and laugh an octave higher. "You're a fucking flirt! I said distract her, not get her number." I mumbled in an annoyed tone. Ronnie narrowed his eyes at me and made a "wow" face as I led him to the dance floor. I found another drink on a table and drank it. Ronnie started freaking out at the amount of alcohol I was taking.

"Whoa, dude. You're drinking way too much, calm down Jacky." He said worriedly. I nudged him away and walked to the edge of the dance floor. Then I took Ronnie's wrist and pulled him with me.

"Just shut up and dance, bro." I said sheepishly. He rolled his eyes and did a funny dance. I laughed and suddenly became quite serious with a pout on my face.

"Ronnie?" I asked timidly, standing still. He slowed down and looked at me in question.

"Yeah?" He said. I looked at the floor and scraped the sole of my shoe against the ground.

"Why don't you flirt with me like that?" I asked shyly, a hazed blush creeping along my face. Then Ronnie shook his head chuckling and said that I've had way too many drinks. I sighed and agreed with him. So I went to sit down by myself at one of the empty tables. I looked towards Ronnie's direction and saw a girl asking him to dance. She seemed nice, but I didn't like that she was with Ronnie. I felt overly offended that she would even try that. I groaned and slammed my head against the table in protest.

Suddenly, I felt a hand at my shoulder. I glanced up...only to meet my gaze with Ronnie's crotch. I blushed deep red and looked up at his face. He gives me a lingering glance before taking a seat across from me.

"Jacky, go have fun. I thought we were going to have a good night...we shouldn't have come to a club. This club isn't all that clean like we thought it was..." He mumbled to himself mostly. I planted my elbow on the table and placed my chin in my hand as I stole little glances at Ronnie's face. He looked at me again and I raised my eyebrows slightly to not seem too enthralled with his appearance. That would be embarrassing.

We stood up and began walking towards the exit. As we walked out I turned Ronnie the other way away and led him the opposing direction of the tour bus. Confusion doted on him for a second. Yet he didn't seem to mind afterwards. We made a turn into a small park, no lights, nobody in sight. Just us and the small breeze outside. Ronnie and I walked in silence right next to a stone wall covered with vines at the top. I kept glancing at Ronnie and his lips.

This weird urge to kiss him suddenly popped up. I screamed "No!" in my head. I tried willing myself to forget about it. But my heart overcame my will. I sucked my teeth and stopped in my tracks.

"Ronnie." I said firmly.


End file.
